15 Birthday Gifts to Buy For Your Damn Self

Birthdays are a special time for the people who love us to celebrate us, in gift form. But birthdays can also be a time for us to celebrate ourselves, in gift form! I buy myself a little (or big) something each year because I’m awesome and I deserve a present for existing for another 365 days on this planet.

May is my birthday month so I’m sharing with you a few gifts I’ve either bought myself or received from brands: awkward self-care items you wouldn’t put on a wishlist, basic kitchen accessories that aren’t exactly special enough for a birthday gift but will make a big difference in your daily life, and comfy basics to live in.

Not seeing your particular brand of gift below? Check out my kitchen gifts guide and my roundup of fashion gifts for cool moms.

EpiLaser 808 ($995)

Embarrassing self-care items are the best gifts to buy yourself, and this might be the most embarrassing of them all: a laser hair removal device. I’ve been testing this for a week so the jury is still out on whether it works — results supposedly take as little as 3 months — but I’m very invested.

Dermaflash Luxe+ ($200)

“Another expensive hair removal device? Really?” Yes, b*tch. Do you know how much professional dermaplaning costs? A lot! Dermaflash is the best in the biz and the Luxe+ is the Rolls Royce of making your face hella smooth.

Oxygen Boost Barrier Treatment, bioelements ($46)

I recently sampled this treatment from bioelements and, I say this as someone with a lifelong interest in skincare, I’ve never felt something this light. It’s like putting wet clouds — I know all clouds are wet, don’t come for me — on my skin. Do yourself a favor and try this.

Clarifying Mask, Tata Harper ($75)

When you think of a stereotypical green face mask, this is it. Pumped full of salicylic and lactic acids, this is technically for problem skin. I’m more wrinkled than blemished and it’s brightened and clarified my dull skin like no other mask I’ve tried. You can really feel it working, which I like.

7-Day Pill Compact, Dosey ($24)

It’s weird to ask someone to buy you a case for all your pills, so just buy one yourself. I love this 7-day case from Dosey, but if you don’t have that many meds (must be cool), go with their small compact.

Poplin Pajama Set, Parade ($60)

Why aren’t more women wearing boxers to bed? Why have I not been wearing boxers this whole time? Are all women secretly wearing boxers?! These are particularly soft and I’m straight-up afraid to wash them because I’m worried the texture will change even a little.

Clara Pearl Necklace, Mejuri ($248)

Precious metals are out and pearls are in, says me. What I love about this necklace is that each one is different, because each freshwater pearl is unique. I’ve gotten so many compliments on it that I may as well carry around a card with the product details.

White T-Shirts, James Perse ($30)

Love James Perse’s t-shirts but hate the price? Here’s a hack: Grab the same ones from Nordstrom Rack. Literally they’re the same, just cheaper.

Sombremesa iPhone Case, BURGA ($55+)

I’m very picky about the pattern of my iPhone case. I need something that either corresponds to the season or is decidedly seasonless. BURGA’s cases are impeccably made and this new print goes with everything at every time. They also have every conceivable tech case (laptop, flip phone, Google Pixel Buds Pro) in this and other gorgeous prints.

Italian Fresh Cheese Making Kit, Farm Steady ($35)

I may have a sourdough starter in my fridge but I’m not ballerina, if you catch my drift. This kit is the perfect beginner’s point for making my own Italian cheese — I think it’s mozzarella but not? — and I don’t have to invest in a special cloth.

Swirl™ by CREAMi® Soft Serve & Ice Cream Machine, Ninja ($350)

What’s that? You can’t convince someone in your life to buy you a $350 soft serve machine? Buy it for yourself, baby!

Cookie Scoop Set ($18)

This is a small gift I bought myself recently and it has made such a difference. I bake cookies weekly and they are now evenly proportioned in a way I never could have achieved with my finger and a regular spoon.

Dishwasher-Safe Knives, Carote

We f*cked up our knives, like really f*cked them up, by putting them in the dishwasher… repeatedly. I finally saved up enough credit card points and bought a set of these dishwasher-safe ones, and it was so worth it.

Disco Di Sale, Jacobsen Salt Co. ($12)

My neighbor called me bougie for having this pasta salt in my kitchen and you know what? I’ll be bougie every day for the rest of my life because I will never live without this pasta salt. You think you’ve been making pasta with enough salt but you haven’t been. Buy this. Make good pasta.

Minty Fresh Jar Candle Bundle, Fontana Candle Co. ($70)

Far be in for me to tell you what scents to like, but I prefer a fresh, clean aroma. This set from Fontana Candle Co. is ideal for the summer, especially around the kitchen.